No Pregnant Pause Here: Women can have the best sex of their lives while pregnant, read on because ‘mum’ really is the word….

It’s extremely common for couples to have less sex than they usually have when they’re expecting. Reasons can vary from women no longer feeling sexy to men being too scared of hurting their partner or baby. Here, Scarlet explores how you might overcome these obstacles and mix the bump with the grind…

DON’T GO CHANGING

“Just because you’re going to be a mum doesn’t mean you have to stop being your usual sexy self. Keep reading Cliterature if that’s what used to get you off, or if you enjoy watching porn, keep up the habit. There’s been a huge rise in audio erotica which might be just the thing if you’re feeling more tired and taking more rest. Try Dipsea for hotter bedtimes.

DRESS THOSE CURVES

“Pregnancy’s a time with so many changes to a woman’s body that she deserves to look gorgeous, feel sensational and to drive her partner wild,” says Lisa Ebbing, co-founder of HOTmilk maternity lingerie, a store that embraces sexiness with added bumps. She recommends pregnant women get fitted for sexy new bras when they first notice an increase in bust size – generally three to four months into the pregnancy – and then again at approximately seven months. Then parade your new curves while you can.

PUT HIS MIND AT REST

It’s a fairly universal concern of most fathers-to-be that penetrative sex with their partner may hurt the baby, but they needn’t worry and neither should you. So long as your medical history doesn’t suggest sex will pose a risk, which is something your doctor or midwife will discuss with you, sex during pregnancy is safe. The NHS says, “A loving physical relationship is important for your wellbeing during pregnancy, and sexual intercourse can actually help your body to prepare for labour.” Tell him this and explain that the baby is well protected by the uterine wall and the amniotic sac and fluid, and the opening to the uterus, the cervix, is sealed with a mucus plug to protect the uterus and your baby. Though, in the interests of arousal, we recommend swapping out the word ‘mucus’ with ‘special’!

TIMING’S EVERYTHING 

Quality not quantity may be the pace of things for a while. Sex while pregnant can be great, but the awkwardness of finding the right position means it can take longer than it used to. Danielle Cavallucci and Yvonne K Fulbright, authors of Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (Hunter House) even go so far as to suggest scheduling in sex. “Set aside time every day or week to hold, fondle and celebrate one another. As unromantic as it may sound to some, scheduling time for intimacy is the cornerstone of many fabulously erotic partnerships.”

WET NURSE

“Your hormonal fluctuations, especially in the months leading up to the birth, can mean that you will go from having a dripping pussy one day to a dry one the next,” explains Rachel Foux, author of Masterclass: Pregnant Sex (Erotic Review Books), so don’t forget to pick up a water-based lube when you’re out shopping for Pampers. You’ll find the lube a few aisles along next to the condoms, so no excuses! 

There are other uses for it, too… Cavallucci and Fulbright recommend coating your larger-than-usual breasts in lube to give your partner a special ‘massage’. “Use your upper arms to squeeze your breasts tightly together around his member; incorporate enough lube to allow slippage yet enough friction to bring him to climax.” 

TOYS FOR MUMS

Fantastic news: while you should always consult your doctor or midwife before pulling your Rabbit out (or rather, pushing it in), experts agree that it’s safe for pregnant women to use their sex toys from the 12-week stage onwards, if not sooner, depending on your medical history, so long as toys are scrupulously cleaned and dressed in condoms. “There’s no better time than pregnancy to invest in a battery-operated sex prop,” say Cavallucci and Fulbright. “Your vulva, screaming for relief from the sexual tension caused by engorgement and the downward pressure on your abdomen, will thank you.”

SWINGIN’ SEX

This Luxury Love Swing (£350) is one toy that’s specifically recommended for pregnant partners; it offers complete support for a woman’s neck and back during sex – ideal when you’ve got an extra weight to carry – and allows you to make love with minimal exertion. It’s adjustable, so can be expanded to fit you throughout your pregnancy, and you’re guaranteed to have some fun experimenting on it after the tot’s born, too.

TASTE THE DIFFERENCE

If you prefer to keep things gentle, oral sex is the ideal option. “When your partner goes down on you, be upright so that your head’s higher than your tummy (to avoid heartburn) with pillows supporting your back and under your knees,” suggests Foux. If he thinks you taste different, that’s because your body’s chemical balance is changing in preparation for the birth. And if you think he tastes different – no, you ‘re not going mad – it’s because your taste buds are more refined during pregnancy. Lap it up!

ON A ROLE

Just because you’ve got a bump doesn’t mean you can’t indulge in a little fantasy role-play – in fact, if your usual story lines are getting a bit tired this is the ideal opportunity to introduce a new twist. Cavallucci and Fulbright suggest pretending you’re a knocked-up nun and your partner’s paying you retribution for having broken your vows. Kinky! 

TELL IT LIKE IT IS

Finally, keep talking about how you currently feel about sex, advises Foux. She warns, “There’s no rhyme or reason to explain sex drive in pregnancy… it may change like the weather with a hurricane today but a beautiful day tomorrow, which is truly a conundrum for the average man.” But if you keep him in the picture, you’ll always be able to make hay while the sun shines. 

PREGNANT POSES 

While you can still have fantastic sex during pregnancy, accept you’re going to have to do some things a little differently. Pregnant women are advised not to lie on their backs for much more than five minutes at a time, and you should keep your partner’s weight off your stomach and breasts. This forces you to experiment with new positions, which in turn could make your sex life more exciting. Here’s some hot positions for you to try…

1 Spooning

This is a cosy, intimate position, allowing you to take the weight off your bump as you lie together on your sides. He curls around your back and enters you from behind.

2 Seated

You can control the thrust as you face each other in this position, with him seated. Your legs are outside his and he enters you with full eye contact. 

3 Doggie

On all fours you’re able to relax your bump and pelvis, particularly in late pregnancy. This position needs you to tell your partner in advance how he should thrust and how deep he can go.

SAFE PREGNANT SEX

Midwife Annette Briley on safe sex for mums-to-be

“It’s safe for most women to have sex during pregnancy. Occasionally doctors may advise a woman to refrain from intercourse in the early stages because they have a history of previous miscarriage or preterm delivery, and even then the link’s not fully proven. If a woman has a condition known as placenta praevia – that is the placenta is situated in the lower part of the uterus – doctors may advise her to not have intercourse as this may cause bleeding.

Swinging from the chandeliers is obviously best avoided, but if you’re comfortable, it’s fine. Lying on your back in late pregnancy can be uncomfortable as the gravid uterus can restrict blood flow, but as long as you aren’t influenced by alcohol or drugs you’re unlikely to remain in a compromising position.” 

If you have any further questions about sex and pregnancy visit Tommy’s pregnancy hub.