For many women, the chance to explore anal can be dismissed as intimidating, painful and passive. But there is sexual agency and sexual fulfilment if done properly.  First there’s the G-spot, a huge pleasure hit. Then there’s the fact that the clitoris extends all the way down to the anus.

Once upon a time anal sex was the domain of bad girls and porn stars. Now, that taboo’s gone and it’s on the rise. A national survey has found that the proportion of 16- to 24-year-olds engaging in heterosexual anal intercourse has risen from 12.5% to 28.5% over recent decades.

The cool girls are doing it on TV too. S1 of Fleabag starts with our eponymous heroine (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) going at it with Arsehole Guy (Ben Aldridge), so named for their delight in anal sex.

But before you bend over and take it like the bang-on-trend sex-loving woman you are, there are some essential guidelines you must follow. Are you sitting comfortably? Would you still like to be able to after an anal sexathon? Good. Then we’ll begin… 

YES BUTT, NO BUTT…

However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. Yet women still seem to be popping their anal cherries without any pre-planning. You need to know the basic safety rules of anal sex ladies, so listen up! You will need:

Lubrication

The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so even if you happen to find yourself next to a large packet of Lurpak (not a safe-sex option), or are already so wet you could sink the Titanic with your love juices, you’re going to need lube. Avoid desensitising lubes. “Pain is your body’s way of telling you that whatever you’re doing isn’t working,” says Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women. “Using desensitising lubes can lead people to go further than they normally would or take something bigger in their ass than they should.” Instead, use a simple water or silicone-based lube. Silicone lubes can damage silicone toys, so if you’re playing with butt plugs check what they’re made from first; oil-based lubes will erode latex, which is what the majority of condoms are made from. “The general rule of thumb when applying lube is ‘on not in’,” adds Tristan. “In other words, you should pour lube onto whatever is going to be doing the penetration rather than directly into any orifice.”

Condoms

Obviously, for any form of penetrative, penis based sex, you need to use protection. “This is even more vital during anal sex,” says founder of Sexplained.com, Helen Knox. “Rectal tears – tiny cuts sometimes caused through clumsy or rough penetration – increase the risk of contracting blood-borne STIs.”

The female condom can also be used for anal intercourse. “In fact,” says Tristan, “it offers more protection because it lines the anal cavity and the outer area of the anus, too. But be careful. If your partner withdraws completely in between thrusts he could slip back inside your anus, outside of the protection of the condom.”

POPPING THE CHOCOLATE CHERRY

Once armed with anal’s two best friends – condoms and lube – it’s time for your partner to venture into the assosphere. More tips for the big tip….

A-play

Just like its owner, you’re a-hole will enjoy a spot of foreplay, so ask for them to massage your butt cheeks with lube, then stroke down the cleft of your buttocks and over the rim of your anus. “Ask them to dilly dally with a finger on or around the hole until you feel it relax, then have them slowly push it in up to their first knuckle,” say Em and Lo, authors of The Big Bang. “The rectum is 10 to15 centimetres long and has two curves along its length that give it the shape of a lazy ‘S’. The first bend in the road, closest to the exit, is formed by the pubo-rectal sling, which contracts when you have to ‘go’. When nothing’s on deck and you’ve learned to relax down there, the sling lengthens, smoothing out the S-curve somewhat. The second, less pronounced curve comes about seven centimetres down the road.” Finger stimulation should aid the relaxation process and make you ready for entry.

A grand entrance

Get your partner to softly press the head of their member against your anus. It may resist at first, so be patient; if they slam into it’ll hurt because your muscles will tense further and they will hit an anal wall of resistance. Instead have them circle the rim of your anus with the tip of their condom and lube-covered cock to help you relax. “Once inside they should aim for the belly button,” say Em and Lo. “Soon they should hit – or should we say delicately tap – the first curve of the rectum. Then he should angle the penis towards the backbone a few centimetres after the inner sphincter.” Voila! You’re having comfortable bum sex. 

Homework

If all the coaxing in the world doesn’t lead to an easy entrance, you might benefit from some solo practice sessions using a tailor-made toy. The Slimline Vibrating Plug is a good beginner’s model (£16.10). The tip’s thin for easy entry, and the flared base is designed to prevent it getting stuck inside you. Once you’ve got yourself accustomed to the joy of anal, you can hand over the reins to your partner. 

THE ANAL SUTRA

What’s good for vaginal sex, usually works just as well with anal, so experiment with positions to see what turns you on. Here’s some inspiration that won’t bum you out.

Anal missionary

Your muscles are most relaxed in this position and it allows for easy clitoral stimulation and eye contact. You lie flat on your back; your partner lies on top of you, resting between your legs, as in standard missionary position, only they enter your back, rather than your front, bottom. Once they have slid inside you, try clenching your butt muscles around them (it’ll add friction for them), and arching your back will make it easier for them to hit your G-spot from the other side.

Spoonful o’ chocolate
“Spooning works if your bodies line up naturally and the giver can get a good angle,” says Tristan. You lie on your side; they lie behind you, spooning into the curve of your body. You can bend your torso forwards to deepen penetration, and they can easily reach your nipples for extra stimulation.

Porn star’s favourite

Classic doggie-style anal is the stuff of porn films, but don’t dismiss it as merely good for camera angles. “They’re more likely to indirectly hit the G-spot in this position,” say Em and Lo. To start with, tell them you’ll set the pace. They should simply kneel behind you, cock in the appropriate position, and allow you to back onto them. That way you can completely control the depth and angle of their thrusts, placing you firmly in control.

Double Figures

To see if double penetration is twice the fun, insert a butt plug prior to vaginal sex with your partner. Try the Moregasm Vibrating Plug (£54.00) which is small enough to slip inside your bottom without getting in the way, and has a multi-speed vibrate control that either of you can use. Your male partner will even be able to benefit from the buzz through your vaginal wall. Simultaneous orgasms imminent.