Journalist Kellie Gillespie reveals how she learned to lie back and love the missionary position…
If someone had told me when I was 20 that one day I’d be advocating the merits of missionary, I’d have laughed in their face. But that was when I was a girl about town, playing the field and pushing the boundaries in order to find myself. Things have changed. Sex isn’t about notches on my bedpost anymore, and that’s given me the space discover the subtler side of sex.
So is the missionary position as inadequate as we’ve been led to believe? And why do we all feel the need to have a sexual repertoire to rival the Kama Sutra anyway? It’s debatable whether the encyclopaedia of positions I’ve pulled muscles to get into has really improved the quality of my lovemaking. More often than not, cramps, cock-slip or poor balance have spoiled the moment.
Missionary, meanwhile, has a bad reputation; apparently it’s boring, it’s lazy and it reminds you of your parents. The name alone reeks of religious zealotry and middle-aged couples stuck in a rut. But if the term itself doesn’t throb with passion, in reality missionary does more than serve its purpose. It’s easy because it’s instinctive and natural; you don’t have to think about it too much; it’s two halves fitting together in the perfect solution to the jigsaw puzzle of love, if you want me to be whimsical. It’s tender and intimate; you can see each other, make eye contact, kiss. Full-body contact heightens the sensual and emotional experience and if a little extra help is needed, the clitoris is within easy reach.
Contrary to popular opinion, it’s also not impossible to run the whole gamut of orgasms with the missionary position. It just needs customising. We’ve all heard the one about the pillow under the pelvis, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Try getting him to ride high, leaning up to kiss you. Straighten your legs to create more tension or spread them wide, wrap them around his waist or put them over his shoulders. Pull his pelvis towards you and thrust back at him (who says the missionary position has to be submissive?).
And if this isn’t enough to convince you there’s more to the missionary than just lying there, it’s time you learned about CAT – Coital Alignment Technique – a variation on the missionary position that stimulates the G-spot as well as the clitoris and encourages simultaneous orgasms. Start with the normal missionary position but with your partner resting his full weight on you. Coax him up your body by about two inches so that his pelvis is over yours. With your legs around his thighs, press up when he moves backward so that you feel gentle but direct stimulation. The key is in the pressure and the rhythm; aim for a slow, gentle rocking.
Don’t get me wrong; variety is spicy, and as we’re a mostly monogamous species, trying out different positions and flirting with more extreme forms of sex is the obvious way to heat things up in the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the back of the bus). Life wouldn’t be the same without the animalistic appeal of shove-your-face-into-a-pillow doggy-style, or the thrill of some downright dirty role-play, but as soon as they become everyday, they start to lose their appeal. Likewise if we all did the one-legged lotus flower in reverse every night it wouldn’t be risqué for long. So lie back and enjoy, but don’t think of England, or tomorrow’s chores, or who you’d rather be shagging. This is the one position where you can really enjoy your man and the best orgasms of your life – without getting cramp.
Kellie Gillespie is a journalist, author and scriptwriter.
