Actress and author, Julie Peasgood advocates sex in the great outdoors – so long as you have a good excuse.
I’ve always subscribed to the old adage that ‘variety is the spice of life’ – which obviously applies to getting horizontal too. Most sex manuals and mags will advise varying the location of your lovemaking, but whether you opt for horizontal, vertical, or on-all-fours-onan-incline, not all venues are ideal for indulging your carnal desires.
Take aeroplanes for example: joining the mile-high club was an ambition I’d nursed since being 18 and heading out on my first trip abroad. (I went on a Club 18-30 holiday to Ibiza, by the way, and I’m still ashamed to admit I didn’t get laid, which has to be some kind of record?)
Two decades later, I finally got my frequent flyer’s box ticked on a long haul trip. Quick word of membership advice: pick a night flight, and don’t attempt it unless there are several toilets available. Go in separately to lessen suspicion, yank your knickers to one side (or, better still, don’t wear any) and do it as quickly as possible. You bent over the loo works well, or him sitting on the closed seat with you bouncing on top, facing the door, also satisfies. It may not be your best sex ever, but the illicit excitement of thrusting at forty thousand feet in a shoebox gives you one hell of an adrenaline rush – coupled with the small problem of returning to row twelve unnoticed.
Unfortunately my lover and I didn’t quite manage the last bit. Despite there being loads of loos, everyone inexplicably wanted to pee in ours, so I emerged to discover a queue to rival check-in had formed during our frenzied frolicks. I frantically warned everyone to go elsewhere as my poor husband was still in there, and had been very ill indeed. Talk about thinking on your feet…
It’s always wise to have an excuse at the ready, especially as having sex in a public place is illegal. So if you’re going to be more creative with your lust locations think of a feasible story in case an authority figure rumbles you. “She had something stuck in her throat, officer, and I was dislodging it with this tool” might not totally convince. I once had a close shave in Richmond Park, but it turned out to be a deer that was mercifully indifferent to my blowjob technique.
Alfresco sex carries a strong erotic charge for me. I love the novelty of being outdoors, the urgent intensity, and having to turn down the volume (our neighbours won’t actually look me in the eye anymore). Inevitably because of the heart-pounding prospect of discovery, sex usually follows quickie format, so on a practical level it helps to carry some lube for spontaneity, as well as insect repellent and a blanket. Woods are always good for a knee-trembler – try spoons standing up, with you hugging a tree – then you could always pretend you’re communing with nature if the park keeper pops by…
Lube is an essential for sex in the sea, too; unless you’re mega-juicy salt water does you no favours. On the beach, doggy position avoids that unwelcome wet-and-dry sandpaper effect inside your vagina. And beware the perils of sperm in the water – it sort of jellifies, and bobbles of it can then attach themselves to you only to be spotted when you emerge trying to look innocent.
Finally, an unsung benefit of shagging outside is that it makes you appreciate your home comforts all the more. I’ll let you into a secret – I’ve just put fresh sheets on the bed and I’m going to be a devil and suggest we do it there. How wild and crazy is that?
Julie Peasgood is an actress, TV presenter and producer, travel writer, columnist and events host.
