“Love is free” said Percy Byssch Shelley once. As he’s one of the great Romantic poets, Scarlet took this as a cue to show you how to be sexy on a shoestring this Valentine’s Day.
Oh, cost of living crisis! What are we going to do on Valentine’s Day – one of the most expensive, consumerist days that society has invented? Not panic, that’s what. If you want to show your partner how deep your love is, without having to dig as deep into your pocket, then peruse Scarlet’s tips on how to have a saucy Valentine’s Day that won’t break the bank. Orgasms guaranteed. Just remember – all you need is love…
Free view
We all have access to a plethora of saucy, free porn. Pornhub with its wide-ranging categories, including group, fetish, amateur and anal, means there’s something for everyone. It’s not the most imaginative suggestion, but you could take a potluck roam around, discover some new kinks and add some spice to your repertoire.
Double Trouble
If you can’t afford to splash out on new toys at the moment, try experimenting with old favourites in kinky new ways. Rubber cock rings like Durex’s Play Vibrations can be wrapped around fingers to turn hands into vibrators, or you can slip one around the base of your favourite dildo to give it extra va-va-voom. Lube can be used as an all-over massage lotion – have your partner rub it into your breasts, then use them to massage onto their bits. Bondage tape can also be used as a sexy blindfold or gag, so why not try using it everywhere for a ‘blind, bound and gagged’ BDSM experience?
Underpriced Underwear
You don’t need to spend a fortune to nab yourself some sexy new undies this Valentine’s Day. Primark has a great selection of thongs starting from just £1. At prices like that, there’ll be no objection to your lover tearing them off with their teeth – grrr!
Seductively Sober
Champers may be the traditional way to toast Valentine’s, but drinking more than three units of alcohol a day lowers your sex drive – so either ditch the champers altogether, or make it go further by diluting it with fruit juice.
Penny screw
Remember the halcyon days of pick n mix penny sweets? For a bit of next-to-nothing naughtiness, try the adult approach to sweetie-eating. Bag yourself a selection of the following and prepare for a sexy sugar high:
- Liquorice laces: make great edible whips
- Chocolate buttons: can be melted onto any body part
- Popping candy: for out-of-this-world blow-jobs
- Lollipops: for double dipping
- Jelly lips: strategically place where you want to be kissed
- Or try this super-sweet sherbet. “Sprinkle it on to your partner’s body and take your time slowly nibbling and licking it off,” suggests Sex Toys’ MD Monique Carty.
Take Some Dick-tation
Role-play and dressing up might seem a big step for the uninitiated, but stick to something familiar-seeming and you won’t go far wrong. “Most of us start to learn about sex through childhood games,” explains Sex Games author Linda Sonntag, “but in adulthood, it’s easy to let the pressure to do it right make us forget that sex is about playing together.”
The boss/secretary scenario requires little more than a shirt and tie for the boss and a pencil skirt, stilettos and stockings for the secretary (remembering the sexy specs, of course). First, decide who’ll be the boss and who’ll be the secretary (you can always try swapping roles later). The boss should initiate the role-play as the dominant party, while the secretary is submissive. Start by asking your secretary to perform menial tasks like making tea, then up the ante with sexual requests. As the boss, your aim is to be in control while making your partner feel desired; the secretary’s aim is to subtly seduce the boss while seeming to be obedient.
Talk Is Cheap
The spoken word is a powerful tool – and when used for dirty talk it helps spice things up for free. We asked authors Carol Queen and Mathilde Madden for five tips each to get your tongues wagging.
- Narrate an erotic story with your partner. Start by choosing a setting – for example, a 17th Century castle or an exotic beach. Erotic fiction and films are a great source of inspiration, so keep a lookout for scenarios that inspire you. Our Cliterature collection might help.
- Decide on your characters. They could be you and your partner, two historical characters, a pair of sex robots, a couple of porn stars or whatever else tickles your fantasy – the only limit is your imagination.
- Think of a plot – again, porn or erotic literature will provide ideas – but don’t get hung up on working it out beforehand. Once you’ve decided how to start, the story should flow naturally.
- Mix things up. Take turns to narrate sections, or ask questions like “what was she wearing?” – these up the sex factor by drawing out details you haven’t already mentioned.
- Watch your language. Terms such as the c-word are hot because of their forbidden nature, but they can lose their spice if overused.
- If there are some things you can’t bring yourself to say, practise using them privately while masturbating.
- Record your speech and play it back so you can gauge how hot you sound. Then work on your voice to increase its sex factor.
- Call a sex line. Tell the person on the other end you want to learn new dirty-talk skills for your lover, and if they’re up for it you’ll get some useful material. Or simply say you want them to turn you on and listen to how they do it.
- Adding any element of sound to your love-making – even moans and gasps – will move you along the path to talking.
- Spice up safe sex with your tongue. Compare “you’re going to have to put a condom on before we go any further” with “let me get a rubber on that hot cock of yours so you can slide it deep into my hungry hole.”
Sexy Gifts On A Shoestring
Who says sex toys have to be diamond-encrusted, expensive affairs? Here are our affordable faves…
Feather Tickler and Blindfold
The feather tickler is amazing value. We suggest teaming it up with a cheap blindfold, like this one by Lovehoney. Once your sight is taken away, your other senses are heightened. Run the feather tickler over your partner’s body, gently teasing their most erotic spots for mind-blowing sensations
ID Sensation Pocket Bottle
Warm each other up on cold winter nights with ID’s sensual warming liquid. Feels great on your bits, theirs and especially inside!
Let’s Fool Around Dice Game
The saucy sex game for two (or more, if you’re feeling adventurous). Roll the dice to see who is doing what to whom. Once you’ve played a few rounds and got a ‘feel’ for the game, try introducing forfeits for certain die combinations.
Screaming O Ring
Read our review here.
If you’ve wanted to try sex toys with your bloke but haven’t wanted to invest, this is a great starter toy. Not only will this cock ring keep him harder for longer, its vibrations will feel amazing for you. Try it missionary-style with your partner on top; once he’s inside you, hold him close and raise your hips up to meet his. Use your kegels to massage his penis while you both enjoy the vibes between you.
Soft Touch Bullet
Bullets are great for clitoral and anal stimulation. This one-touch bullet is easy to use and super-powerful. Try using it with a smear of water-based lube to gently massage his balls and perineum. Move the bullet in soft, circular motions, varying the pressure until you find what they like.
We have more reviews of sex toys in our Play section.
