There’s more to it than just lying back and thinking of England….

Cunnilingus. In Scarlet’s view, it’s one of the sexiest, sassiest and simply sublime sexual satisfactions there is. Thankfully, in recent years, there’s been a much-welcomed focus on oral sex as the key to a woman’s orgasm. Whilst women generally orgasm much less than men, particularly during penetrative sex (less than 20% vs 95% of men), that increases to 53% during oral sex. And get this; women who have regular oral sex are 23% more likely to orgasm during sex than women who never receive oral.

And receive it, we often do not; whilst 80% of women state they enjoy it, only 40% are getting it. So we feel it’s our duty to get better at asking for it. And receiving it. Of course, oral is not for everyone, and you are not alone if this is the case.

But for those of us that want to extend the oral tradition, here are some tips to seeing stars….

Mind-Setting

Make sure your head is in the game. Remember that the sexiest thing about receiving head for your partner, is seeing, hearing and feeling your complete abandon and enjoyment.

If you tend to stress out about reciprocation, try it at a time when you know there’s no time for you to respond in kind (like, right before a movie or you have to be somewhere). Or just make a pact that, for the next half hour, they will be your love slave. Make sure there’s no possibility of interruption. And if you still can’t stop worrying about relaxing, ask to be tied up so you’ve got no choice but to focus on your own pleasure.

Prepping

If you’re worried about hygiene, shower together or run a relaxing bath beforehand. If you’re worried about a pubic hair preference, it’s your right to expect requests to be phrased positively (“It would be so hot if…”). You could even do the trimming together as a sex game. And right now, the 70’s porno styles are sexy, too. Another tip is to keep your panties on; it can be incredibly sexy and take some of the anxiety at bay, and as you loosen up, you can always ask for them to be removed or pushed to the side.

Taking a Stance

If you’re attempting an orally-induced orgasm, then chances are you’re going to be there for a while, so get comfortable. Lie back on a bed or comfy chair with a pillow under your hips. They can kneel between your legs or on the floor (put a pillow under their knees). But if control (rather than relaxation) is what gets you to your happy place, then you might want to straddle their face or even stand over them. For something a little novel, try it with them approaching you from behind; you can still relax and moan into a pillow and they’ll have an all-areas access pass – though you’ll probably need to bring in your fingers or a toy to properly address your clitoral head.

Fluffing Up

Get them to work up to the moment slowly, nuzzling, kissing, nibbling, licking and sucking outlying areas – your breasts, mouth, stomach, inner thighs – gradually closing in on the ultimate target. They should gently spread your legs as their fingers get closer, lightly running their hands over your vulva and through your pubic hair (if you still have any). They can then cup their arms under your thighs or bum to pull you in close and breathe over your entire vulva (but never blow into orifices – it’s dangerous).

Lollipopping

When you’re ready for more, direct them into French kissing your vulva. This way they can also use their nose as a stimulation tool (NB this move is a good one to return to later, when their tongue may need a break). Then, ask them to lick slowly from your vaginal entrance up to your clitoris – or even longer, from your perineum up to your pubic bone. 

Licking up the centre then down again, then licking up and down either side of the labia, and then from side to side between the labia, will feel sensational. They can then pull your lips into their mouth and suck on them. Though they may touch on your clitoral head with these broad strokes, they shouldn’t pause there just yet.

Communicating

Ask to hear how good you taste and smell. If feedback is tricky, encourage them with non-verbal cues: pushing into them with “nice job!”; really pushing into them with “harder!”; gripping the sheets or arching your back with “brilliant job!”; gripping their head in your thighs and “don’t change a thing”; squeezing your thighs and holding their head in your hands with “I’m coming”. 

Going In

Tell them to wait until you’re pushing into them – physically begging them – before going any deeper with their tongue, then during their  long, slow tongue strokes, they can start dipping their tongue inside you as they pass your vaginal opening. Remember, it’s the outer third of the vagina that is most likely to respond to friction and pressure, so there’s no need for them to pull a muscle trying to get all the way in there; it’s way more effective for them to circle their tongue around the opening and move it in and out. If you want a little more in terms of penetration, ask them to bring in a finger or three while their tongue continues on the outside, moving their tongue and fingers in sync.

Coming to a Head

The closer you get to the clitoris, the more women vary in terms of the kind of stimulation they enjoy, so verbal, or at least non-verbal communication skills (see above), are essential here. Some women never want direct stimulation of the clitoris, while others can’t seem to get enough of it. Generally, the more teased and turned on you are, the more stimulation you’ll be able to take. If you want more direct contact, retract your clitoral hood by placing your fingers on your labia or pubic mound directly above your clitoris and pulling up. Then let them experiment to discover what feels best for you: a soft, wider tongue technique or a stiff, pointy one? 

Props

Cunnilingus can be a hard day’s night, and there’s no shame in turning to props. You can help things along with edible lube, either flavoured or, if he doesn’t have a sweet tooth, tasteless, but a hint of strawberry or pineapple may help you relax about how you taste (always choose a glycerin-free product if you’re prone to infection). Try these from Ann Summers (£18.00). 

A vibrator can give their tongue a break – try bullet vibes, finger vibes, a vibrating dildo, a G-spot vibe or a small, lubed butt plug if that’s your thing..

Rhythm Is Going to Get You

The key to good cunnilingus is patience and a steady stroke. In general, women tend to like firm pressure and a repetitive motion, and they can build up speed and pressure as you get more turned on – but pull back if you want them to do the same.

The Happy Ending

With any luck, all this oral attention will lead to a happy finish. But if it doesn’t, don’t feel down – while some women like to go all the way with oral, others find cunnilingus is better suited to foreplay and can move smoothly to penetrative sex. And frankly there are few better ways to get wet.

The Tongue Titillation Top Ten 

Lap up our extra tips for top tongueing action.

1 Mmmm…

If they make some deep, guttural moans, the resulting vibrations may have a pleasing effect. Plus, you’ll know how happy they are to be there. 

2 The Rollercoaster

Starting on the left, they take their tongue up the outer lip and down between the outer and inner lips, then up and down over the vaginal opening, crossing the clitoris, and then down between the opposite set of lips and up again.

3 Cunning linguist

They use the tip of their tongue to trace the alphabet over your clitoris – it may help keep them focused. And it’s as easy as ABC.

4 Suck-job

As with the labia, they can suck on your clitoris, too. They should pull the clit into their mouth and then suck and lick gently, maybe flicking their tongue over and around it while they hold it.

5 The Lazy 8

For the upper half of the ‘8’, they swirl their tongue over the clitoral hood, stimulating the shaft; for the lower half, they alternate between short loops that cross the vaginal opening and longer loops that cross the perineum. The intersection between the upper and lower loops is always over the clitoral head.

6 Nibbles

Fancy a nibble? If so, they should proceed with caution, starting with the inner thighs, labia and mons pubis (the fatty tissue that protects your pubic bone), only then (gently) moving on to the clitoral head if requested.

7 Digitally enhanced

Their fingers can do more than just penetrate: they can dip them into your mouth, play with your labia while their tongue is elsewhere, gently tug on your labia and pubic hair, pull up on your mons pubis or rub it in a circular motion, or let them stray to your nipples, perineum or anus (but never before the fingers-in-the-mouth move above). 

8 The double swirl

They move their tongue in ever decreasing circles, first around (and closing in on) the vaginal opening and then around (and closing in on) the clitoral head.

9 Three-point turn on

Three sensitive spots not to overlook are where the inner labia meet, just under the clitoral head, the area around the urethral opening and your perineum.

10 Shake’n’flick

With a slightly stiff tongue positioned over the clitoris, they should shake their head back and forth for a deliciously quick wet flick.