If you’ve ever wondered why gay men seem to have all the fun, you’re not wrong. Studies show they’re having more sex, better sex — and more orgasms than straight women.
There are some fascinating stats to back it up. 89% of gay men report usually or always experiencing orgasm during sex, compared to just 65% of heterosexual women. And in the first two years of a relationship, 67% of gay couples have sex three times a week or more, compared to 45% of heterosexual couples. Plus, research shows gay people rate their sex lives better overall than their straight counterparts.
So what’s their secret? Confidence, curiosity, and a willingness to try it all. From nipple tweaks to fearless finger work, here’s what women can steal from the world’s most orgasmic lovers.
He’s Got Nipples Too!
His nipples can be a hot zone. Be warned, though, while some men love their nipples tweaked, pulled, or even bitten just before they orgasm, others hate it. Experiment but don’t be offended if it isn’t his thing…
Toughen Up
When it comes to hand-jobs, always opt for a firmer grip than you think he’d like. Touching him lightly is nice in a dreamy, gentle way, but men’s skin is thicker and tougher than ours. If you’re too gentle, he won’t even feel it.
Give good finger
Gay guys know that finger sucking is incredibly hot! Do it in public for extra naughtiness (take care to be discreet, though). Take his hand and put his middle finger in your mouth. Swirl your tongue around it, suck it gently but firmly, move your mouth up and down – do everything you’d do if it were his penis (bar the fist thing with your hand – that would just be plain odd), and maintain eye contact.
Jump on him
Some straight women wait til they’re in bed before initiating sex. Gay guys have a more urgent sex drive. Do they care if it’s the bath, bed or kitchen sink that’s being used as a prop? Sex in bed is boring. Comfy, yes, but exciting, no. If you must have sex in bed, at least lure him in there at an interesting time – like when flatmates are waiting downstairs and you fancy a quickie.
Straight shooters
Gay men aren’t squeamish about sperm and they don’t care if it ends up all over themselves or the sheets. If they decide not to swallow, it’s not because they don’t like it but rather because they enjoy the thrill of watching their partner ejaculate. Seeing the semen spurt out is more fun for them than shoe-shopping is for us. Make blow-jobs your new Saturday afternoon pastime. Let him give you that pearl necklace you’ve always wanted (and no, we’re not talking Tiffany’s).
Encore, encore!
Straight women often get embarrassed when their men watch them masturbate. Gay guys like showing off – and watching other guys turns them on. They also look carefully to see what technique they use, so they know how to pleasure each other later on.
Be every woman
Gay men are much more likely to have open or semi-open relationships. I’m not suggesting for a moment that you do the same (or encourage your partner to), but it doesn’t hurt to give him the illusion he’s sleeping with lots of women. Do this by varying the style of lovemaking. Switch between playing an innocent, a wanton hussy and a bossy dominatrix. Adjust your underwear as well as your attitude: white virginal lace for ‘virgin’, saucy red or hot pink for sex siren and black corsetry for domination.
Keep going
A gay lover doesn’t bat an eyelid if he comes too soon. The whole object of having sex is to get off, and if that happens quickly, great! It doesn’t mean their mouths or hands have stopped working – and there’s always a second time around.
Bedroom bores
Some straight women are too polite to say “hurry up” if he’s taking ages. Gay guys get bored and say so. A gay guy will try everything he can to make it happen, but if it goes on too long he’ll suggest his partner does DIY while he watches. You do the same, and when you do, watch to see if his masturbation technique is too hard, fast or rough. If it is, that’s what’s causing the problem. Get him to train himself to orgasm with you by getting himself used to a gentler grip.
Try a love tap
Straight women rarely instigate spanking, while a lot of gay guys like giving ‘love taps’. Try it during intercourse – start with a light, playful slap and see how it goes down (while checking his penis doesn’t.).
Play with power
Gay men understand the erotic appeal of power. Look and learn. Play at being both submissive and dominant by tying him up and letting him return the favour. Use your stockings or PVC bondage tape.
Stop people-pleasing
Straight women sometimes gush about how good the sex was afterwards, even if it wasn’t. Gay guys don’t say much at all. “Why would you need to? It’s obvious whether the sex was good or terrible,” says a Chris, a Scarlet gay friend. If you feel the urge to say something, keep it simple. “You were amazing,” for example, or (if it wasn’t great), just snuggle up and say “I love being with you.”
Brave the bottom
Straight women tend to avoid anal sex. Contrary to popular opinion, not all gay men do it, but they’re certainly more open to giving it a go. Here’s a quick reminder of the basics to consider before any anal play. Always wash toys before and (of course) after use. Use condoms on toys you plan on sharing or using both vaginally and anally (you can’t put anything in your vagina after it’s been in your bottom, so a fresh condom change will be required). It’ll feel more comfortable and be less messy if that high-fibre breakfast has done the trick and if you’ve also had a nice hot shower, swishing lots of soap around your bottom.
Having an orgasm first helps relax the area and using lube is essential – not a pleasurable extra. Anal creams that desensitise the anus are not your friend; neither are poppers or cocaine, especially for first-timers. They all do a fantastic job of numbing the area, but that’s the problem. Pain is nature’s warning. We know that sounds like something your mother would say, but there’s a right and wrong way to enjoy anal play and pain will tell you which path you’re on.
Read our Beginners Guide To Anal for more tips on getting started.
How To Use A Butt Plug
It’s not just male bottoms that are packed with super-sensitive nerve endings; yours is too. Want to see what all the fuss is about? One very good way to tell if you’d like anal intercourse is to experiment with a butt plug first. It works for either of you, but let’s assume he’s doing it for you for this exercise.
Once you’re aroused (or post-orgasm when you’re relaxed), get him to apply lube to you or the plug (or both) and run it around the rim of the anus. Get him to gently press and see if your anus ‘pulls’ the toy in. If it doesn’t, he should press gently until the toy is inserted a little way. Then get him to penetrate with it slowly, stopping to let you get accustomed to something being inside you. Once it’s inserted – they don’t go terribly deep – you simply leave it there and continue having sex as usual.
If you enjoy the sensation, you might like to give anal intercourse a whirl. In one survey of women who have, 25% rated it as ‘very pleasurable’ and 38% as ‘somewhat pleasurable’. The rest weren’t too impressed. It depends on whether it’s done properly (if it’s not, it hurts) and on how big he is. Though it’s rare, some women can actually orgasm through anal sex, and a few more are able to if they have clitoral stimulation at the same time.
Discover which Butt Plug for beginners we love here.
Lube: The Gay Guy’s Best Friend
Lube will improve your sex life instantly and drastically. Whilst girls tend only to use it for intercourse; gay men will use it for hand-jobs, anal play, during long sessions, with sex toys, etc. It even makes safe sex safer: put a drop of water- or silicone-based lube inside a condom and it’s less likely to tear. The trick with lube is getting the amount right. Use too much and you’ll reduce the friction. So add a little to start with and then top it up if you need to.
Saliva – yours or theirs
This is natural, and it’s good for everything. Add some to reactivate the lube you added earlier and give it another lease of life.
Household lubes
Hand cream, Vaseline, massage oil, olive oil and butter work well in movies but not in real life. Some damage condoms; others upset the pH balance of vaginal secretions and cause infections. They can also be messy, smelly and a bugger to get out in the wash.
Water-based lubes
These feel and look natural and are great all-rounders. They’re non-irritating and don’t stain your sheets or furniture. They’re safe to use with condoms and toys and come in flavoured varieties too, so you won’t gag if you end up giving oral after applying one.
Silicone lube
Although it’s the most expensive type of lube, it lasts much longer, which means it’s the only choice for anal sex. Silicone makes it really slippery and it works in water. Be a bit careful, though – the clean-up is difficult because it tends to leave a film. Silicone lube sounds like a match made in heaven for silicone sex toys, but instead it just damages them, so stick to water-based varieties if you have toys made from this material.
Stop Playing It Safe
If there’s one thing gay men understand, it’s that sex should be fun, playful, and full of experimentation. Steal their confidence — and their tricks — and your sex life will thank you.
📚 Further Reading. For more ideas like this, check out Sextasy by Tracey Cox.
